They don't care. They refuse to help. I go from blood boiling to wanting to walk away.
I always had them help as little kids. The training time was put in. They are disgusting, but claim they don't understand why I'm upset all the time. I'm reading to help myself let go of the anger. I don't think that's going to happen. What about when you're tired and stressed out and angry at having to be the "nurturing parent" for someone else all the time? I've been going through this with my mother.
She's stressed out about everything - my clothes are weird, I'm handling my job wrong, I need a different boyfriend, everything seems to make her angry. Keep in mind I'm almost 30 here. She feels rejected if I don't do what she says, but refuses to acknowledge any possible cause other than my 'awful' behavior. I understand how she feels, but I feel like trying to play to her feelings ends up in a position of me having to either give up adult freedoms or constantly be soothing her hurt like she was a toddler.
Sounds like you need to set some firm limits so your mother realizes that there are "costs" associated with demeaning you.
That honestly just makes it worse - if I set limits like that, I'm rejecting her, I'm acting childish, so she has to step up her behavior, because I'm acting so hateful she has to take strong measures to force me to see how much I'm hurting her. At some point one must realize that there is no possibility of caring for oneself AND catering to the needs of a loved one.
It is sad but sometimes the only option is to go full no contact. I made the decision to do so many years ago. I laid out the offending bad behaviour and demanded it be addressed. It wasn't and I was told that it would not change because "That is just the way I am". That was all that was needed to finally realize that I had to take care of myself and walked away, cutting all ties permanently. It was not a happy choice, but 25 years later, I am absolutely sure it was the right one.
Nobody has a right to treat you in a manner you feel is hurtful. I've been in a relationshit for about 4 months with a girl who acts alot like this. I know her history of abuse, and all this, but whenever I support her, I feel like she just takes me for granted. I easily get pulled into her petty back and forth arguements, and it always turns into her twisting my words, or literally saying that I am doing to her what she did or is doing to me at the time.
I think we've broken up about 10 times already, and gotten back together, and I am sick of this loop. So my question is this, what about the attraction aspect of all this? If I just bow down and take all the anger and abuse she throws at me, I feel like I lose the respect in the relationshit. It has turned into some petty game of trying to stab at each other. I have fallen out of love with her lately, and we have ended it for the last time, but I still feel like we should talk it out just for our own sakes.
I have reached out a few times, but she takes my apologies as fake and turns them into insults from her point of view , even when I apologize profusely and try to look at what I did wrong. I have issues with abandonment, and so does she, but I feel like I am the only one who actually is ready to work on it. So how can I show her this nurturing compassion, love and understanding, without losing her respect and looking like I just admit to every flaw? Thank you very much for the article, and for your understanding.
I'm hardly in a position to diagnose your GF, but what you describe seems to fit a diagnosis of Borderline Personality Disorder, which you may want to look up and see whether it accurately describes what you've been dealing with. For if it does, there's really no way you can get your conflicts with her resolved and the situation will continue to be full of anger and abuse unless she takes more responsibility for her part in it and gets herself into DBT therapy.
Wow, I wish you lived close to me so that I could be your client. My oldest daughter sees slights where there are now. She keeps score of what I have done for her siblings e. We, her siblings and I, care deeply for her and wish we could "fix her. One said they have to "walk on eggshells" around her. She acts, or at least that is what I am seeing, like we are in a contest. I asked her to do something and she just glared at me and continued watching her brother carve the meat.
She seems to misinterpret actions as well as words.
She blew up at her brother when he was teasing her about something and said he had to understand how she has issues with self esteem. Ouch, she did that my punching him in his chest with her finger. She and I shared a room on a trip. At night she was reading a book and stayed up later than me. I got up earlier than see didn't turn the TV on to check weather. I didn't get in the shower until I know it was time to get up.
She hits the snooze button a couple of times so I could get out of the bathroom before she was ready to shower. She made a comment that we never turned the TV on because "it was on her side.
I sure wish I knew what to do. I made the mistake of asking her if she could turn the volume off on her phone when she wasn't expecting calls. Don't know if it is the fibromyalgia but noise bothers me.
Schools offer social skills classes using social stories, and often including materials like cue cards or social story notebooks. This symptom is neither the fault of the child nor the parents. Article continues below Sometimes this happens when the student is concentrating on suppressing his symptoms in public. Result: You will be seen as a loser and may be left alone.
I overhead her telling another daughter that I told her to turn her phone off but then why was it ok when my CPAP made noise or I made noises in the bathroom before she was up. And more. During this trip, she decided that she was going to change our plans for that day, although the day was planned by all. Most of us, except one son and his wife , had planned on one thing an hour cruise on the water while the other couple were just going to "chill" out by the water.
She decided it was a waste of time and money. Yet I was paying for the tickets? There were other comments as well. Maybe I should have addressed them as they came up but I just didn't want to take a change of ruining anything. Inasmuch as I receive many s of requests for advice, as well as the fact that what you describe is extremely complex and would require me to ask you many questions to better understand the history of this problem, I must refrain here from attempting to make suggestions to you.
If you want, you're free to write me on my bio page and request a phone consultation, which might be beneficial to you.
Lee Seltzer. I think your articles are on point and I find them very informative. However, I think your usage of the term "strong ego" in your articles is misinforming and erroneous versus using the correct terms such as "high self-confidence", or "strong sense of self". Protecting the ego IS the source of conflict, the false persona that one tries to defend and protect at all costs.
When one is willing to be humble and vulnerable, admitting responsibility while being able to reach out to others with love and forgiveness, demonstrates a high degree of self awareness, understanding and empathy, and ultimately, requires a strong sense of self and high self confidence. Strengthening the ego, a false self mask is not desirable. Taming the ego is key to acquiring positive character traits that makes the above possible.
Your point is well-taken and when I have more time I need to review how it might be misconstrued in the context of this particular post. Other than that, the distinction I make is between a strong ego and a weak ego that's artificially inflated. I let my emotion get the best of me plenty of times and despite winning an argument, I let the other person feel superior for making me lose my cool.
I tried to explain to someone that blaming the mentally ill for being mentally ill and shaming the psychology field for being corrupt isn't a good excuse for his treatment of clientele or co-workers. But since I got angry at him, he saw it as me being childish or naive compared to his worldview. Because of that, he continues to demean others. I feel that anger can have a positive aspect to it. It allows us to understand what we lack and what is wrong. If we didn't, we wouldn't see what could be wrong with the world around us. I have no idea if there is a positive way to channel this, but if there is, maybe we can do more good.
This article is quite damaging in my opinion. Anger is as natural as love or fear or sadness or any other human emotion. To dismiss it as "childish acting out" vilifies what is normal. Leon F. Do you ever torment yourself with self-anger, guilt, regret, or remorse? Back Psychology Today.
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